A Transparent Moment

I am currently standing in front of my childhood home, there were some great memories here, but also some that most individuals would be completely destroyed and broken if they've ever endured them. I was not raised by my parents because both were addicted to drugs/alcohol so my grandmother took me in at age 2, she raised me and about 6 other cousins (that I call my brothers) because their parents were addicted to drugs too. I grew up in this 696 sq ft, 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom home from age 2 until 11 then one day while at school, 5th grade attending Mark Twain Elementary in Compton, CA I was escorted by two police officers off the playground and told that I would be placed in a foster home with some family I didn't know. I was not allowed to be near my grandmothers home again until I became an adult, and to be honest even when I turned 18 I was still nervous to go near the home.

Why? you ask.....

I was sexually abused by my grandfather from ages 7 to 11... in this home I'm standing in front. As I got older I honestly believed that a lot of my family knew what was happening but no one ever spoke up and some were probably monetarily compensated to keep their mouth shut. because back then you were told to be quiet to protect the family....ummm, where was my protection? I was only a kid.

One day an older cousin walked in and seen him touching me inappropriately, she contacted child protective services and 2 days later while I was at school, I remember seeing two police officers and my teacher walking towards the playground, they escorted me to the nurses office, where they asked me countless questions and 3 hours later I was placed in foster care. I was a foster child from age 11 to 18, for years I always thought I did something wrong, he would threaten me, he would tell me if I didn't do something or if I ever told someone I would be punished.

I've shared my story with so many, and I thank my cousin for witnessing this and speaking up on my behalf. Men and women who prey on children, the weak and the vulnerable are sick and need some serious help. (There is a special place in hell for all of you).

Sexual abuse or any type of abuse is not a joking matter, and this is something I think a lot of families sweep under the rug (more often than not), most families are good at keeping those skeletons locked up. If you know something wrong is happening, stop saying, "that's none of my business" you don't know whose life you could be saving. No child or any person deserves to be abused. I bounced from home to home from 11 to 18, and that's why family and breaking generational curses is so important to me, I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I think all I've seen and witnessed as a child is what makes me so resilient and as strong as I am today, I've been on my own since it feels like 9 years old, but living on my own since 18 and have never turned back and asked anyone for any help, I lived in my car for several months, slept in random parking lots and would live out of hotels when I had the extra money and would ask a friend if I could stop by to take a quick shower or eat. Most of my family thought I would be just like my mother, she was a prostitute and I remember driving down different streets trying to find her and help her, I was able to get her off the streets a few times but she would always leave and go back and ended up back in jail for years at a time. Everyone doubted me, thought I would be this weak-broken person.

I know I joke a lot of about all different topics, but If I've offended anyone in any of my previous post I truly apologize, sometimes I feel that laughing and joking is how I deal with some of the childhood trauma, but I am in no way condoning this type of behavior, I have daughters, nieces, cousins, friends, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have friends who were in abusive relationships, they have shared their stories with me, and a lot of us are so quick to say, "they probably deserved it", it's sad and it's very heartbreaking, especially when this person can be very close to you, you may see them every day and will never know what's going on behind closed doors. Pay attention to those around you, look for unusual behavior, ask questions, don't allow others to have you in fear, speak up, you were given a voice for a reason.

I'm a very transparent person, I don't hide my story, I'm not embarrassed, I'm not destroyed, I'm resilient, I know how to overcome adversity, I'm strong and I'm just hoping my story may inspire someone else.